Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Halloweenie!!

When I lived in Washington DC, my roommate Betsy's mom sent her a Halloween card with one of those hunky, mostly naked, and unreasonably tan men on the front. The inside read, "Happy Halloweenie!" It has since that time been my favorite holiday card, so unexpected from a somewhat conservative Holiday, Utah Mormon mother of 4.

Halloween happens to be among my favorite holidays. I LOVE getting dressed up, going to parties, carving pumpkins, roasting pumpkin seeds, and eating the yummy fruits of fall. This year I had three opportunities to get dressed up...

The old fall-back (our ward Halloween party was on October 12th, waaay too early for me to have thought up something fun and creative).

Saturday Night's Party (I stole Emily's idea of going as Punky Brewster and it was a hit!).

Our last minute attempt to dress as boo-ritos and get a free burrito from Chipotle on Halloween .

This is a photo from last year (before I entered the blogosphere), which will forever live on as the BEST HALLOWEEN EVER (nothing beats a Halloween on roller-skates). I would be remiss if documentation of this amazing night and ridiculous costumes didn't make in onto the world wide web in some way or another.
Here are some pumpkins the wardies carved. The bat one ended up at our house for a few days, but quickly molded and collapsed on itself and was sent to it's forested grave off our back porch by Stacey. We got a HUGE amount of pumpkin seeds from these bad boys and Ashley did a fantastic job of roasting them up. That HUGE amount was consumed in about 3.5 days.

I was really hoping to be home for the trick-or-treaters this year. It has been a long long time since a little tot dressed up like a fairy or a fireman has rang my doorbell looking for candy. Unfortunately, I had to work late and the little ones were all in bed by the time I got home. Are kids still doing the door-to-door thing? When I lived in DC, our first Halloween on 25 Sunset Drive was the Halloween right after Sept 11. So, all the kids up were holed up in their houses for fear of terrorists. Did the terrorists win? Have they kept the kids off our doorsteps forever? I sure hope not.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Of Mice and Men: Starring DanO

Last week Dan and I decided to make a little wager on the Broncos vs. Chargers game. As many of you know, I'm from Colorado, and as such, am a die hard Broncos fan. Seeing as how the Broncos typically beat the Chargers, I thought this was a safe bet. It was the first time I had ever bet on the Broncos and it turned out to be their worst home loss since 1970...ouch. This is my punishment...I think I've learned my lesson.

The following was written by Dan. I have promised not to make any changes or edits to his prose (please forgive me):

Let’s play an easy game, kay! All you have to do is tell me which one of these decrepit creatures is: a) the plague-spreading, scum-eating vermin, and b) the bilge-wallowing, whine-drunk rat?

While you are thinking, you also may wonder why I, DanO, am taking a little test drive through the blogosphere courtesy of Miss Renee’s Wild Ride, and I am more than happy to answer that. I love every single thing about Renee. We both share the same impeccable taste in music. We both love the 4th of July and jumping pictures. We were LOSTfest OGs and though she may not cop to it, secretly I KNOW that she thinks Grey’s Anatomy is as ridiculous as I do. The only time I ever had to blow the whistle on Renee, it involved roller derby and unsportsmanlike conduct. NEVERTHELESS, I guide my life by principles, including that of an ancient Chinese proverb that I’m sure someone has to have coined at some important point in history: “Wise is the man that takes advantage of opportunity, yea, even as it presents itself.”

Last week, Renee and I were “chatting” on the gmail, as we so often do. I was busy making monkey emoticons while she was trying to spell sounds. We broke from this simultaneously wordless yet profound communication to realize that our respective hometown football teams would be getting it on mano y mano on SUNDAY, sunday, (sunday) on the gridiron. One thing led to the next, and before we knew it, Renee and I had a dandy of a bet on the game. If the Denver Broncos win, I have to buy an annoying looking Broncos necktie, wear it to church, AND get photographic evidence of the desecration of my reputation as the second biggest San Diego homer in the Los Angeles area. (EvRo still holds the top spot.) BUT, if the Chargers win, I get to take the Wild Ride out for a spin. No spread, in Denver, Broncos favored to win. No problem. You KNOW I was in on that action.

Sunday afternoon, while good Mormons everywhere listened to prophetic counsel with half open eyes in their sweats around the world, The San Diego Chargers put a beatdown of historic proportions on the Broncos. The Bolts had their way all day long like MEN from days of yore, playing with a bunch of ratty kids from the block. The final score was 41-3, making it the Broncos’ worst home loss since the 1970 AFL-NFL merger. Can I repeat that? 41-3. Broncos’ worst home loss since 1970.

A quick note on my personal suffering. For most of my life, the Chargers would have been the laughingstock of the NFL, had only they been worthy of being noticed at all! I may sound bitter, but while Broncos were making three of four super bowls, and then winning two consecutive super bowls, and producing umpteen straight 1,000 yard rushers, and John Elway amassed Hall of Fame stats, the Chargers were mired somewhere between mediocrity and complete futility. The year we did go to the Super Bowl, we got creamed by Steve Young’s 49ers in embarrassing fashion. The supposed savior of the franchise, Ryan Leaf, had about three quarters of solid, #2 pick in the draft football before he threw the franchise for a five-year loss. Even last year when we had our best season in franchise history, a 14-2 record, and an NFL MVP, we found a way to beat the Patriots and STILL lose the game. To quote my boy Jim Rome, the thing we do best is snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

So not to pile on, but I’m going to pile on. I DESERVE IT! Very few things happen only once every 37 years. I could really only think of comets, and apparently a beatdown like this. I cant even tell you how satisfying it was to see Broncos fans leave their own stadium during the 3rd quarter, in total dejection. Few know how long this has been in coming. PLEASE check out this clip with all you need to know about the mauling. I can’t explain it any better.

So back to our little game. Let me lay out a few points that may help inform your guess:
  1. Mike Shanahan was the first coach to start calling timeouts to freeze the kicker AFTER the snap, as he did in the Broncos Week 1 survival of the Raiders. This disgusting practice has spread like a plague around the NFL, infecting at least FOUR games that I have watched, and changing the outcome in three of them. Someone out there may object that there is no rule prohibiting acting like a punk-rat-cheat, and I don’t disagree. But play the game like a MAN, and don’t ruin the game with the phantom rat timeout.

  2. Mike Shanahan is ruining a model franchise by selecting the bilge dregs of the draft, and signing scum of free agency. Observe a few examples:
    a. Maurice Clarett – OSU scandals, Armed Robbery arrest, rolls with an AK-47 and a hatchet. (Today was a good day!)
    b. Travis Henry - Suspended for a year for drugs, has more illegitimate children than Shawn Kemp.
    c. Brandon Marshall – domestic violence, yadda, yadda
    d. David Kircus – Second degree assault. Yawn.

  3. Mike Shanahan lives in Denver has a tan in December. I imagine that he has one in January too, but I haven’t seen him in January lately.

  4. Shanahan is a bigger whiner than Pete Carroll. And that is really saying something. Yet over the years, the Broncos have caught more lucky breaks than any other team that I can think of. Yeah I’m bitter. Their luck continues with two wins this year decided by luck (Janikowski FG off the crossbar, second scraping against the Bills). The Broncos could easily be 0-5 this year.

  5. Shanahan’s rodent resemblance is remarkable.

If you chose either a) or b), YOU WIN!! You are on your way to becoming a Chargers fan in full perpetual suffering. Hopefully the next few years will be nice, but we did just fire a coach that got us 14-2 and we did just hire Norv Turner. I have been praying to wake up from this awful nightmare. Let’s just hope that with all the talent the Bolts have under contract, we can get just one measly championship. And let’s kick the Broncos while they are down. Heaven knows, it might not last too long.

So now that I control a pro-Bronco blog for a day, there’s only one thing I really want to say.

Chargers rule. Broncos (and Raiders) suck.



Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Why I Officially Hate Baseball on TV

So we all know that I'm a big fan of Heavy Petting and the City (the edited version of Sex and the City on TBS). I never watched the show when it originally aired on HBO and I've only caught bits and pieces of it over its years of syndication. There are several episodes that I've seen a million times (like "Anchors Away" and "All that Glitters..."). But there are also crucial episodes that I've missed that have created serious gaps in my understanding of the big picture story line. Like, I never saw the episodes where Carrie cheated on Aiden with Big (but I know it happened since it's permeates the rest of the show). And I don't think I ever saw the episodes when Charlotte married Trey (but I've seen most of the episodes where they are trying to get pregnant). Since the advent of tivo, and the fact that HPATC is on TBS like 4 times a week, I've been catching up and filling in all of those missing pieces. You may ask why I don't just go out and buy, rent, or netflix the DVDs of all of my missing episodes. Well, I'll tell you...they are too dirty for my taste and I prefer the dubbed over, drastically shortened version that deserves the title of Heavy Petting rather than Sex and the City (I tried to find a clever link for Heavy Petting but they were all too dirty, obviously me and the internet have differing opinions of the definition of the term).

Anyway, tonight I sat down to indulge in my favorite guilty pleasure (I had 10 unwatched episodes stored in my tivo...not that I planned to watch all of them tonight...but I was giddy at all of the new episodes that were soon to enlighten my understanding). I left off at the end of Season 5 where Carrie had just met Berger, Charlotte had just found out that Harry would only marry a Jew, Miranda and Steve had just slept together, and Samantha was recovering from the Richard break-up. I couldn't wait to see how it all resolved! So, I turned on the tivo, got comfy, hit play and to my dismay, realized that instead of recording HPATC, it recorded the end of the Padres v. Rockies game that went into extra innings for the NL wild card game. WHAT?? I mean seriously...I know several of my dedicated readers are even more dedicated Padres fans...but seriously!!


As if baseball on TV wasn't already the biggest waste of time on the planet, here it was ruining my favorite waste of time on the planet. And, it wasn't just episode's playoff season and it happened FOUR TIMES!!! WHAT?? Four brand new (to me) episodes just shoved out of the way for boring old baseball (minus the hot dogs, singing, ballpark atmosphere, and opportunities to let boys teach you things which pretty much makes baseball on TV pointless). So, it's official (as if it wasn't already). I hate TV baseball. Dumb ridiculous baseball. Seriously.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Welcome to Portland

Are you tired of reading about the weather yet? Some people say talking about the weather is the thing you talk about when there is nothing else to say. Others are obsessed with the weather channel. So, I'm going to assume most of you are in the middle and that most of you are intensley interested in my life. And...the thing going on in my life right now is the weather. So, there you go.

So with October has come the rain, just as everyone said it would. I honestly thought the Indian Summer would last a little longer than it did. But, like Kaydi, I think I'm a little prone to not believing bad weather news. And, I've been in high denial about the rainy season, chosing not to think about it in an effort to ward off my fears of suffering from SADness this winter.

Well, the rains have come and so far, so good. I forget that I actually really love the rain. I love hearing it pitter patter on my roof, I love the cozy closed in feeling that I get when I'm in my car in a downpour. I love playing in the rain. I love how the rain smells. I love how green and beautiful the rain makes everything.

Of course, the rain isn't all roses. It's a little difficult to drive in torrential downpours amidst cross country big rigs heading up the 5. My hair prefers dryer climes (though I've gone back to doing it curly more often, which is know, switchin' it up a bit). The rain limits many outdoor activities. And, with rain comes clouds (except in those rare cases of sunshowers, which happen to be my favorite phenomenon in the Universe). I admit that I am still very worried about the constant cloud cover that I've been warned of and the negative impact it may have on my mood. It has officially been raining on and off since Sunday morning, but there was a little burst of blue sky and sunlight on Monday morning. As long as I get those once in a while I think I'll be fine. If not, I'll either be investing in one of those light therapy lamps or I'll be suspiciously tan in February. I'll keep you posted.