Wednesday, September 10, 2008


I love eating outside. There is almost nothing better than feeling the sun beat down on my face while enjoying a good sandwich (I mean, a sandwich alone is hard to beat...but the sun certainly adds to the perfection). The weather out here has been beautiful these last few days, and, seeing as how I've been a vampire without a touch of sun this summer, I've been heading outdoors for lunch and some basking.

Eating outside always comes with a little adventure, usually in the form of critters*. Today was no exception. First I was accompanied by a little bee friend. He was nice enough, except for the fact that he kept landing on my sandwich exactly where I was about to bite. I don't think either of us would have wanted to be friends anymore if he ended up in my mouth. Sick. After trying to mate with some pork** that had fallen from my sandwich, my bee friend found himself satiated and went on for porkier pastures.

Then came the pigeons (in frankonology "rats with wings"). I'm not sure why they decided to come settle at my feet, as I wasn't nearly as appealing as the large man spreading breadcrumbs around the corner (I've really never understood people who seek out these infested creatures). I've got absolutely no time for birds of any kind that come begging for fact, I've got absolutely no time for anything that begs for anything, except maybe the cute Tijuanan boy selling chilclett...I love me some chiclett. Well, soon enough the birds had their fill of the measly pickins in my area and, all at once, decided to head back to tubby with the breadcrumbs. They all began flapping and flying in my direction, narrowly missing my terrified face. This hubub caused me to shriek out and take cover, to the amusement of my lunching neighbors.

But, have no fear. This is only the second most embarrassing thing that happened to me today. I started the day off with a face plant as I boarded my bus this morning...a bus that had already left the station and kindly stopped to pick me up on the side of the street as I flagged it down (today I promise I wasn't late...there is a new driver and I swear her clock is fast). Needless to say, if all the passengers weren't already looking to see who was holding up their morning commute, they sure were after the loud crash and squeal that announced my arrival.

*Not the kind one might cover with doilies.
**Not chops, which I have also been known to eat outside.


R-E said...

oh this is hilarious!! i love your description of the bee mating with the pork and then heading off to porkier pastures. that was wonderful for my mind. i wish i had been there for your face plant. man you have the funniest things happen to you!
i've also been LOVING the weather in portland lately!! yay!!

Annalisa Labor said...

nice. I wish I would've been there for the face plant. I can picture it now. :)

Brecken said...

Renee, the face plant on the bus is prcieless. I wish I had been there...I Promise I wouldn't have laughed. that's a lie, but then I would have helped you up.

cheyney webb said...

Yeah! Finally a post from you. I have been stung by a bee on my tongue while we were both trying to eat my hotdog! My tongue swoll up and I sounded rediculous. Glad the weather is nice and sorry about the face plant, that has happened to me too. Hard to play it off.

Evan said...

too little, too late. 7 weeks since your last post requires a really good excuse in your first post back. >:(

Buschfest said...

IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE YOUR LAST POST!!! I was starting to think something was terribly wrong, but I ran into your mom several times this summer and she kept reassuring me that all was well. When are you coming to Colorado?? I can't wait to see you!