Friday, May 9, 2008

Arachnophobia

I'd like to preface this post by saying that I'm not typically afraid of spiders, bugs or snakes. I don't particularly love them in my house, but they do not generally evoke any fear or anxiety. In fact, I once had a little bee friend when I was in school at CSU. He would come and hang out with me on the quad when I would study/nap between classes (and let's be honest, there was definitely more napping than studying). But me and the bee - no fear, just friends.

I was taking a sleepy shower this morning (my term for trying to get a few extra minutes of shut-eye by taking a shower with my eyes closed) when, through a tiny open slit, I saw this:
Yes, this GIGANTIC spider was perched on the wall just above the shower head. This not so little guy tore me from my sleepy state and had me at full attention for the rest of my shower. He was HUGE and brought flashbacks of that scene in Arachnophobia where the spider lands on the showering girl's face and she dies (she died, right? It's been a while.). At any rate, standing naked and wet in an enclosed space with a possibly deadly spider left me feeling a little vulnerable. But, I was only on step one of my 5 step showering process (you can ask me later) and all 5 steps were necessary on this particular day. I spent the entire shower in a state of near panic and even bruised my heels when spidey momentarily lost his grip on the increasingly misty wall and almost plummeted into the bathtub with me. Luckily he caught himself, but it didn't stop him from trudging on in his pursuit of the ceiling. When it came time to rinse out my conditioner, I positioned the shower head nearly horizontal to the ground and had to back bend into the stream of water so I could keep one eye on him at all times. I didn't need him slipping down (or intentionally jumping) onto my face and killing me with his poison bite.

After the traumatic showering I was trying to figure out how to dispose of spidey so I didn't find him waiting for me in my bed when I came home tonight. Luckily, as I was devising my plan, I heard a big thud and realized he'd fallen from the ceiling and was awaiting his death-by-drowning on the bottom of the tub. With a quick flick of the nozzle, I was able to whisk him away in a perfectly safe (for me) and humane (I'm assuming) death down the bathtub drain. Phew! I'm so glad that's over. Now I can return to my 20 minutes of snoozing-while-pretending-to-get-clean in the mornings.

8 comments:

Andria said...

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with five shower steps (sometimes it's even six!). Dave only has two steps and really just doesn't understand...

Andria said...

PS - Google reader apparently sucks. This post JUST CAME THROUGH!! (I just noticed as I went to your actual blog...)

Jessica, Sarah, Crystal, and Jeni said...

I'm glad the spider died. But now I'm curious about your five steps. -Jeni

Renee said...

Andria, it's not google reader, it's me. I started this post weeks ago and only just now finished it! You'll be getting quite a few more in the coming days too...I've been lazy, er...busy :)

So, LOTS of people have been inquiring about the 5 step shower process (mostly through email), so I'll go ahead and explain here. Everyone has steps...maybe you just haven't thought about it. For me: 1. Shampoo, 2. Conditioner (leave in while completing steps 3-5), 3. Wash my Face, 4. Shave, 5. Wash my Body (then rinse out conditioner). What are your steps? Do you have a particular order or do you just haphazardly clean yourself? I'm so interested to know now!

Anonymous said...

I have almost the exact same five steps and order as you renee! Little did i know....
Almost as if you've been spying on me AND copying me!

And spiders are gross!I'm glad you survived and that the spider died.

Lisa said...

Ugh! Spiders in the shower are my biggest fear! It's like they can attack you ANYWHERE. I'm just glad that you got out before it fell. And I have the same five steps as you, but in a totally different order. 1-5-3-2-4. Funny!

Evan said...

Who cares about spiders? This post contained the phrase "standing naked and wet in an enclosed space..."

Helloooooo!!!

Awesome. I bet this post gets more hits from google searches than any others ;)

Oh, and glad you survived.

Double oh (seven), I think the shower steps discussion is deserving of a poll if not an entire post.

Brecken said...

Love the 5 step shower process...everyone's gotta have one. I can't believe you've been in Oregon for a year now. Time flies.