Monday, June 11, 2007

On A Need to Know Basis

I like to know stuff. This is the case in school, in life, at work. I can't handle not knowing things. Those who have ever tried to tell a secret in my presence, or simply say something quietly, know that I have this need to know because the whispering will usually be followed by a "hmmm, what?" from me, accompanied by raised eyebrows and an excited inquisitive look. This need to know has served me well most of my life. It usually makes me a good friend, an excellent listener, and has probably contributed to my career choice. Being a good therapist is really just all about getting people to tell you stuff. In life, I don't ever want to do anything with the information...I just want to know it. This is a picture of me contemplating the world and everything I know in a bonzai garden. I think being a giant makes contemplation better somehow...gives you greater perspective.

I've realized recently that my need to know has gotten a little out of hand. Last week, it took me a full 20 minutes to recover from the fact that a good friend of mine had been dating someone for well over 2 months and I had NO IDEA! I have talked to this person numerous times on the phone. I have blabbed on and on about my new life in Portland and I think I've even asked about hers. I even once had a conversation with her while I was at the University of Oregon for a track meet...and she failed to mention that she was dating someone who happened to be a track star at the U of O. It threw me for a loop that I was so far out of the loop, so much so that I was a bit speechless. I still haven't figured out quite where these feelings were coming from. I wasn't necessarily hurt that she hadn't told me...I don't think she was trying to keep it a secret. It was just that I was so used to being her go-to girl and knowing everything about her life, that it knocked me off kilter a little to realize that there were things happening in her life that I didn't know about. I realize this is TOTALLY selfish and egocentric (in the literal sense of the word). And it just emphasized to me that I'm ridiculous and my need to know has gotten out of hand.

I was reminded of this again in a reverse fashion today. As you might have figured out by now...I'm a little verbose (just a wee bit). My blog entries tend to be tomes, containing endless details and fluffy words. I guess that since I have such a need to know, I assume everyone else wants to know everything about me as well (again ridiculous and egocentric). Cobb mentioned having read an entry last week and I asked, "did it make sense? what about this part and that?" to which she responded "honestly...I skimmed." Ouch! Ok, first indicator that the blog entries are too long...my friends are skimming. Then today I was talking to Gamine and she said that she and Jo had carried on a whole conversation about how my blog entries were really long ("novels" I think she called them) but they were afraid to tell me because they thought it would take the steam out of my blogging.

I'm here to tell you (in another really long blog entry) that I'm making an attempt to change my ways. I've been trying to figure out a way to turn this blog from a laundry list of the things I do to a more interesting "this is what I'm thinking about" or "this is a funny thing that I noticed" sort of blog. I can't say it will happen all at once. I'm sure there will be adventures that I'll want to report on. So, bear with me. And, as I attempt to be more concise and less long-winded (I just needlessly added 5 words to that sentence...this is going to take a while) I hope you will keep reading, even if you skim.

11 comments:

Shaun R. said...

I didn't skim this one. I guess because I can relate to the need to be in the know. I did have to laugh at the length of this entry explaining that you were going to shorten your entries. I always figured I was writing my blog for myself and if somebody else read it and enjoyed it, then great. Usually it's just stuff that I found interesting or amusing and it's more fun writing it on a blog where other people might read it than writing it in a journal.

Andria said...

This was perhaps the FUNNIEST blog entry I've EVER read. It's true. I did have a conversation with Gamine about your "novels". But really, this is part of what makes you YOU. I'm also a little surprised that you know you have to be in the know. I guess I thought this was part of your sub-conscience... I'm not sure what that means or why it matters, but it's fascinating. I'll have to think that one over.

Anna said...

thats the best part about you Renee!! In my opinion, your need to know makes me feel comfortable telling you stuff, and it lets me know that your interested. I think your fine. :) love you!

Anna said...

btw, i'll keep reading!! I love reading about your lovely life! Oh, and I like your picture!! It's pretty!

Ginny said...

I agree with Shaun (hi Shaun!)--blogs are the new journals and you should be as verbose as you want to. If people want to quit reading, they can... but, of course, they won't because your tomes are so entertaining. Also, I like the laundry list of things you've done in Portland--it always makes me want to go there. I'm sure Portland's chamber of commerce will be contacting you any day now to thank you for your the good publicity. Maybe you'll get one of those really big keys to the city.

jbeany said...

Amen Ginny! Blogs are the new journals... at least for me they are. I love that I can check up on you, see what you've written, what you think is important, fun, or otherwise. Keep 'em coming... long or not! The great thing about online blogs are that some people skim, some don't... who cares?! Everyone is happy in the end! :)

love,
a novelist and a skimmer

Jim said...

You people are funny. You are talking about how to read.

The Author said...

NOOOoooooo!!!!!

Boo to shortening your posts!! Not that there's anything wrong with being short...

Plus you're the only person who still has longer posts than mine, except maybe Jimbo's "running like a gazelle" entries.

Venusatellite said...

but why would you edit when the unedited version rocks? (hi renee!!! thanks for your response to my mass e-mail. this is linda.)

gamine said...

don't get me wrong, I love the novels - andria is right, it's what makes you YOU. Sorry if I made you feel that long posts are wrong, they aren't. It was more a statement of fact then of correction. I love you and love your blogs. My posts are short because my life is not as exciting - share away my dear, some of us are trying to live vicariously through you!

courtney: said...

Looka here, deary--I'm trying to graduate. Sometimes a girl's got to skim; it's no reflection on you, your interests, or your literary choices. I promise never to miss a beat after this Saturday...

You know very well how I feel about details.