On A Need to Know Basis

I like to know stuff. This is the case in school, in life, at work. I can't handle not knowing things. Those who have ever tried to tell a secret in my presence, or simply say something quietly, know that I have this need to know because the whispering will usually be followed by a "hmmm, what?" from me, accompanied by raised eyebrows and an excited inquisitive look. This need to know has served me well most of my life. It usually makes me a good friend, an excellent listener, and has probably contributed to my career choice. Being a good therapist is really just all about getting people to tell you stuff. In life, I don't ever want to do anything with the information...I just want to know it. This is a picture of me contemplating the world and everything I know in a bonzai garden. I think being a giant makes contemplation better somehow...gives you greater perspective.

I've realized recently that my need to know has gotten a little out of hand. Last week, it took me a full 20 minutes to recover from the fact that a good friend of mine had been dating someone for well over 2 months and I had NO IDEA! I have talked to this person numerous times on the phone. I have blabbed on and on about my new life in Portland and I think I've even asked about hers. I even once had a conversation with her while I was at the University of Oregon for a track meet...and she failed to mention that she was dating someone who happened to be a track star at the U of O. It threw me for a loop that I was so far out of the loop, so much so that I was a bit speechless. I still haven't figured out quite where these feelings were coming from. I wasn't necessarily hurt that she hadn't told me...I don't think she was trying to keep it a secret. It was just that I was so used to being her go-to girl and knowing everything about her life, that it knocked me off kilter a little to realize that there were things happening in her life that I didn't know about. I realize this is TOTALLY selfish and egocentric (in the literal sense of the word). And it just emphasized to me that I'm ridiculous and my need to know has gotten out of hand.

I was reminded of this again in a reverse fashion today. As you might have figured out by now...I'm a little verbose (just a wee bit). My blog entries tend to be tomes, containing endless details and fluffy words. I guess that since I have such a need to know, I assume everyone else wants to know everything about me as well (again ridiculous and egocentric). Cobb mentioned having read an entry last week and I asked, "did it make sense? what about this part and that?" to which she responded "honestly...I skimmed." Ouch! Ok, first indicator that the blog entries are too long...my friends are skimming. Then today I was talking to Gamine and she said that she and Jo had carried on a whole conversation about how my blog entries were really long ("novels" I think she called them) but they were afraid to tell me because they thought it would take the steam out of my blogging.

I'm here to tell you (in another really long blog entry) that I'm making an attempt to change my ways. I've been trying to figure out a way to turn this blog from a laundry list of the things I do to a more interesting "this is what I'm thinking about" or "this is a funny thing that I noticed" sort of blog. I can't say it will happen all at once. I'm sure there will be adventures that I'll want to report on. So, bear with me. And, as I attempt to be more concise and less long-winded (I just needlessly added 5 words to that sentence...this is going to take a while) I hope you will keep reading, even if you skim.